Monday, September 01, 2008
I am taking a break... from coffee chronicling.
Seeing as I have not had much caffeine-induced experiences lately, I think it is misleading to continue my journals under the title The Coffee Chronicles.
Instead, I am inviting you to join me in my new world -- care to read my
Posted at 12:45 pm by lingbling
Thursday, July 17, 2008
I was pleasantly surprised
to run into you today.
It reminded me of how
I have almost forgotten you -- almost.
Yes, it would be nice
to see you again some time.
We could share a smoke
almost like friends again -- almost.
We can talk about anything,
We can reminisce about old friends,
Everything's all right again,
Well, there's nothing left
for us to say for now.
We've closed down another bar
Like almost always -- almost.
I guess this is where
we say our goodbyes again.
Just like the last time
when it was almost us -- almost.
Notes from BUM-ism
Posted at 01:28 pm by lingbling
Monday, July 07, 2008
I have been singing Aimee Mann songs in my head for the last 2 weeks, virtually living out her concert. Her words ring so true; they are very universal, and I bet anyone can relate to them -- personal angst, optional.
"It's (fill in blank here) not going to stop
'til you wise up...
So just give up"
It can refer to anything -- from something as everyday as "over-eating" to something as profound as "your-going-around-in-circles-dead-end-life". Whatever. It IS not going to stop unless you do wise up.
Her words hit the spot right on, and gives you that long overdue life-changing realization without being too abrasive/invasive/imposing. I find her words familiarly comforting. It feels like talking to your best friend until 5 in the morning with the lights off in her living room. She calls it like it is, but no tough love necessary.
I am leaning towards her now more than my former angst idol Alanis.
Ms. Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie is the way to go if your angst is still anger-ridden. Now there is one angry b*tch if there ever was one. She, on the other hand, is who you would like to listen to if you are still angry at your ex/your boss/your parents/the world. I used to live by her words...but the more recent ones are starting to bother me.
" You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
...(and there are no strings attached to it)"
Do you believe that? I think I am way past being masochistic like that. If you were my man and you asked to love someone else... then you die!
Posted at 12:40 pm by lingbling
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
A Day in the (Simple) Life
This is a bum's life.
Today I started my day with a jog by the wharf. Yes, that is right, my friend. I have re-discovered that elusive thing they call "exercise". Plus the fact that I am now living on a tight budget means I cannot go to the gym. But who would wnat to run on a treadmill, watching a show on tv with the volume turned down, or listening to the same music over and over again on your ipod/mp3player/music phone/(fill in the blank here)?
By the wharf today, I was greeted by the fresh sea air -- salty spray and all. Each time I would round the bend to go back to my starting point, I can see the distant mountains on the horizon, and the water laid out before me, blue and calm so early in the morning. In the opposite direction, you can see the light traffic on the main street, but still far enough away so my fresh saltry sea-sprayed air is not polluted.
Even at this hour, there are people about. There are the truck drivers waiting for the seaport to open its gates so they can drop off/pick up their cargo. There are street-sweepers who say hi when you pass by...everytime you pass by (my, what friendly people these are!). Then there are the other joggers, who because they are out of breath, cannot manage a "hi", but smile or nod their heads at you anyway.
The fishing boats are just coming to shore with their catch for the day, and the earliest of shoppers are waiting by the dock to get the freshest of the catch. That fish, that squid, maybe the occasional lobster will end up in my plate tonight.
When I get home, I feed the chickens right at the doorway (they have manners enough not to come in the house without being asked). I have not fed any farm animal since I was maybe ten or eleven when we kept some goats at home in Manila. But chickens are almost like babies -- they will let you know when they are hungry with all the ruckus they create.
After a quick shower and a quicker lunch, I'm off to the movies! In my living room, that is. There was a time when I would wonder if I was ever going to get through all the DVDs I manage to (panic-) buy over the weekends. Now, I worry that I am going through them too quickly, and I will not have anything to do in the afternoons.
Today I pick a Jackie Chan classic. Did you ever notice that the truly great ones last 3 hours? Well, that I will save for another day, another entry.
For now, I am off to take a walk and take in the sunset.
Posted at 03:49 pm by lingbling
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Random Thoughts on a Rainy Alone-Day
This was supposed to be my last stop...not another lay-over.
Fate has fated that I not be done with my life adventures.
i think i have come to my "Do or Die" moment.
i hate being me right now.
i would rather sit through a Marimar DVD marathon than be here.
Posted at 04:54 pm by lingbling
Monday, February 18, 2008
None Brighter than 5unshine
I said goodbye to Bacolod for the last time 2 weekends ago. And to my 5unshine.
I flew in on a Saturday for 5unshine's despedida party. Yes, after 4 years, 1 relocation, and several hypertension cases, he has finally flown the TTEC coop and is going back home to Manila.
I have to say it was a bittersweet experience, coming back to Bacolod for the last time. I was saying goodbye to my home of 16 months, some of my most trusted friends, and a lot of memories.
I don't really have very strong ties left there, and I am not at all sorry for trading it for Cebu. I did, leave behind some very close friends, though. These friends and I share a bond that you can only ever know if you've ever been displaced. If you ever find yourself alone in a strange place, with no plans on a weekend night, and frustrated over your job with no one to talk to.
We clung to each other during those early days. We depended on spotting each other a measly 200 to tide us over until the next pay day. When one went hungry, we would all eat. When one went shopping, we would pick out each other's shoes or shirts. And then we kind of found our own, on our own. And we started to lead our own lives, on our own.
But 5unshine and me... we stuck together. Like a buggy fly on flypaper (him and me, respectively). Like a pesky booger on your fingertip (again, him then me). We just...stuck.
He will be one of the very few things I will miss about Bacolod. The late, drunk, crazy-talk nights. The yosi-marathons, SMB Light-infused conversations, just-between-you-and-me stories. The banter, the flirting *wink wink*, the jokes, the jealousies...the everything.
There are times in your life when you just meet a very special person, and you just know you were meant to meet. That you would make a difference in each other's lives. That you would make the other's experiences richer, more vibrant. That there was something for you to learn from this person or through this person.
All that has happened to me, through my 5unshine. And whatever else happened in Bacolod that I am not so happy about, or proud of... I will never forget that this is where I found my 5unshine. And true enough, he has been exactly that for me for most of that time -- bringing joy, making me laugh, making everything bright... But not brighter than 5unshine.
Posted at 09:58 am by lingbling
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I have heard so many stories about Sinulog. This year, I am going to experience it myself. Time to chalk up another cultural adventure on my virtual scoreboard.
From what I've heard, aside from being one big parade, Sinulog is also is one big reason for looooong booze-bingeing!
My friend has been comissioned to take photographs of the festival to be featured in a niche-market magazine. He's been a first-hand Sinulog-fester for the last 4 years. So I should have it from a very good source when he tells me to put on my most comfortable pair of jeans, a pair of walking shoes (preferably flip-flops), and an airy shirt.
He is my official tour guide for this weekends' festivities. Once we hit the streets on Saturday morning there's no going home for anything until Sunday night. At least that's the plan.
Posted at 07:13 am by lingbling
Saturday, December 15, 2007
It is so cliche, I know. But I mean this literally.
There's something new and exciting for me to look forward to again this coming 2008. I am moving yet again to a new city. Come New Year's Day I will become a citizen of Cebu City. I just accepted an offer to move there to support our program at the local site. I received news from my boss with about a month's lead time, which on average is the amount of time he usually gives me to pick up my life and haul a$$!
A new city with no friends to speak of, no place to live in, no(t much) money to start with. Well, I guess that's how it goes. Not much excitement in my life on any given day, anyway. I might as well just pile on all the excitement I can muster in a few weeks and live off on the steam for the rest of the year.
So I've done my stint in Bacolod... put in 16 months' time. Now Cebu is calling. What I was unable to achieve in the City of Smiles (ironic, really, isn't it?), maybe I will in the Queen City of the South.
I will leave all my memories with the people I made them with here in Bacolod. I can only hope I leave them with happy ones.
Posted at 02:43 pm by lingbling
Sunday, October 21, 2007
I am holed up somewhere, alone for the weekend. I am out on a mission to forget. Forget what happened in the last 2 weeks of my so-called life. Forget that I was -- for a very short time -- not alone as I have been for the last year and a half. Forget that I crawled out from under my misery rock long enough to actually have fun, and feel happy.
But that's over. And now, I have to crawl back under my rock, and get used to being miserable again. Go back to the sleep-deprived, and nicotine-and-diet-Coke-overdosed sad excuse of a life.
Hey, I'm not complaining. This is what I am used to. This is where I am most comfortable. This is what I know, and what I am prepared for. I can handle alone and miserable. It's being happy and not alone that I don't think I can handle.
Yeah, I'm dysfunctional that way... but who isn't? I'm beginning to think I love being miserable. That I AM only happy when I am not, you know what I mean? It's so much cooler to be always unhappy. It's a lot easier to be indifferent and not care. There's more to look forward to when you're depressed, and there's a lot less reason to worry that things can make you feel any worse than you already do. There's not a lot of things that can get you disillusioned ~ because you already are.
But when you take me out of that comfort zone, and take me to a "happy place", I don't know how to deal with it. I feel guilty that I am having so much fun ~ fun that I don't deserve. And I feel paranoid that it's not going to last anyway so I might as well quit while I'm ahead. I feel silly with a grin pasted semi-permanently on my face; I know I look like an idiot. I am distracted, and can not concentrate on the important things I need to do. I get loose, and not care so much if I am careless or irresponsible or liberated! And that is dangerous.
See, you get used to something like that ~ something like being happy and care-free...then that reason for your happiness suddenly ceases to exist ~ for whatever reason... and you're lost. You come crashing down to the ever-dependent miserable rock you've left way down below. This lonely slab of rock that is just waiting for this very moment to take you back in its cold embrace, and you're back where you started. This used to be a safe place; and it should still be a safe place if I hadn't let myself float too far away above it by those "happy thoughts".
See how dangerous being happy can be? And how much safer being miserable is? Now why would I want to go and ruin a thing like that?
Posted at 01:09 pm by lingbling
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
That stands for Oh! My Churla ~~ according to my Ateng Rommie.
And that succinctly sums up what I feel right now. I am in deep churla... It's so stupid I can't even explicitly say what IT is. Let's just say, maybe I wished too hard. And you know when they say, "Careful what you wish for"? Let's just say again, I did not believe that.
Now I am... just... so... confused. I am not making sense right now. It's just all this churla has gotten me so mixed up. It's...... gaaaaaaaaah! OMC!
Posted at 09:32 am by lingbling